May 6th, 2025

This is the painting that changed how I paint.

Before this I was lost – using paint only as a sort of weird catharsis without any one piece ever holding any real meaning. Musicians and animals. Blurry spaces.  External forces that brought me comfort without any revelation of the self.

This doesn’t even feel finished to me.

I suppose maybe the background could be, but the foreground lacks detail or depth or intimacy. It’s as if I could see into the distance, but my eyes just could not adjust to immediate surroundings. So maybe it is finished after all, and this is why this was the one. The revelation of self. The visionary who dreamed the future but lost sight of the present. The dreamer whose world had been shaken, yet still continues to dream.

I wouldn’t know where I’d go from here. I thought I was meant to paint the places I travel to in my daydreams – share the worlds my mind creates. I didn’t notice the shifting sky was hinting where I really needed to go. 

But here I am. I’m still in the early stages of my creative journey – still exploring. These days I paint my nightmares – my subconscious has been begging relentlessly throughout the years to be freed. Decades of trauma unfurling, swirling, melting, and distorting. Learning, unlearning; learning again. Battles won or lost, but fought nonetheless. The end of this war is yet to be determined, but I am determined to see it through.

Change is coming – the paintings will change with it. And so will I.